URUK Find the Halflings! Find the Halflings!
TOM (Uruk): One of them owes me ten bucks!
ARAGORN fights a lot of ORCS. When the ORCS return to
hunting halflings, he jumps off the platform onto them.
LEGOLAS and GIMLI join him. When one ORC gets too close to
shoot, LEGOLAS stabs him in the eye with the arrow he is
holding, then puts it in his bow to kill the next one, too.
FRODO runs away, sees MERRY and PIPPIN hiding.
PIPPIN Here, Frodo, hide here!
FRODO shakes his head.
CROW (Frodo): I know what you’re thinking, and I want no part of it.
PIPPIN What's he doing?
CROW (Merry): I’ll tell you when you’re older, Pip.
MERRY He's leaving.
PIPPIN No, Frodo!
PIPPIN bolts from his hiding place, only to realize that
he has been seen by ORCS. MERRY determines that they must
provide a distraction so that FRODO can get away.
MERRY Run, Frodo. Go.
MERRY waves his arms at the approaching ORCS.
MERRY Hey, you, over here, this way!
MERRY and PIPPIN run, leading a pack of ORCS. FRODO runs
the other way.
PIPPIN It's working!
MERRY I know it's working, run!
BOROMIR kills a bunch of ORCS defending MERRY and PIPPIN.
His horn brings friends and enemies alike. BOROMIR gets
shot three times before he stops killing ORCS. MERRY and
PIPPIN get kidnapped, and the ORCS leave BOROMIR alive
since he can no longer fight. The URUK-HAI is going to
finish him off, but ARAGORN arrives, and manages to kill
him after extended fighting. Returns to BOROMIR after.
BOROMIR They took the little ones.
CROW: That's not a very PC term, Bor.
STRIDER Stay still.
BOROMIR Frodo. Where is Frodo?
STRIDER I let Frodo go.
MIKE (Aragorn): My little boy’s all grown up and off to Mordor... *sniff*
TOM (fisherman): He was too small, I had to throw 'im back.
BOROMIR Then you did what I could not. I tried to take
the ring from him.
TOM (Boromir): I thought it would make such a nice present for Merry.
STRIDER The ring is beyond our reach now.
CROW: You’ll have to pick a different engagement symbol.
BOROMIR Forgive me. I did not see it. I have failed
TOM (Boromir, teacher): Those tests were inexcusable. Did anyone study?
STRIDER No, Boromir. You fought bravely. You have kept
MIKE: Locked in a little box far away.
ARAGORN reaches to pull out one of the arrows, but BOROMIR
BOROMIR Leave it. It's over. The world of men will
fail. All will fall into darkness, and my city to ruin.
TOM: A bit full of yourself, aren’t you?
STRIDER I know not what strength lies in my blood, but
I swear to you I will not let the White City
fall, nor our people fail.
MIKE: They’ll pass calculus if I have to slip ‘em the answers myself.
BOROMIR Our people. Our people.
ARAGORN gives BOROMIR back his sword.
BOROMIR I would have followed you, my brother, my
captain, my king.
TOM (Princess Bride): Now, with all dead, there’s usually only one thing that you can do...
STRIDER Be at peace, son of Gondor.
CROW: Uh, he can't hear you. He's DEAD
MIKE: Oh, that's not nice..
FRODO at the boats, holding the RING in his hand.
SAM searching for him.
SAM Frodo! Mr. Frodo!
MIKE (Sam): It's almost lunch time, and I'm starving!!
FRODO I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish
none of this had ever happened.
GANDALF So do all who live to see such times, but that
is not for them to decide. All you have to
decide is what to do with the time that is given you.
FRODO regains his resolution, tucks the RING in his pocket
and jumps in boat. SAM arrives on shore.
SAM Frodo! Mr. Frodo!
FRODO No, Sam.
SAM starts wading in.
FRODO Go back, Sam. I'm going to Mordor alone!
SAM Of course you are, and I'm coming with you!
TOM (Frodo): No, see, what, I meant by “alone,” was...
SAM keeps going, well into the lake.
FRODO You can't swim! Sam!
SAM gets in over his head,
CROW: Eh, well, small loss. On to Mordor!
FRODO turns around and pulls him into the boat.
SAM I made a promise, Mr. Frodo. A promise. Don't
you leave him, Samwise Gamgee, and I don't mean
to. I don't mean to.
MIKE: Well, actually, it's Frodo doing the leaving, so technically Sam's not breaking any promise.
CROW: Yeah, that and Gandalf's dead, so it doesn't matter.
TOM: Way to spoil the mood, guys.
FRODO Oh, Sam. Come on.
They hug, then start paddling across the lake.
BOROMIR'S body, in one of the boats, floats over the
waterfall. LEGOLAS pushes the last boat to the water.
LEGOLAS Hurry! Frodo and Sam have reached the eastern
ARAGORN buckles on BOROMIR'S bracers, with the white tree
TOM: You know how, in Medieval times, knights would wear something belonging to their ladies into battle? I think this is sort of the same concept.
LEGOLAS realizes that ARAGORN isn't coming.
LEGOLAS You mean not to follow them.
MIKE (Legolas): You mean to abandon them to the Uruk-hai. I always knew you’d come around to my way of thinking.
STRIDER Frodo's fate no longer rests in our hands.
GIMLI Then it was all in vain. The Fellowship has failed.
CROW: You’ll have to retake it next semester, I’m sorry.
STRIDER Not as long as we remain true to each other.
We will not abandon Merry and Pippin to torment
TOM (Strider): Well, maybe just torment.
Not while we have strength left.
Leave all that can be spared behind, we travel
light. Let us hunt some orc.
TOM: Shhh. Be vewy, vewy quiet. We’re hunting owcs! It’s Owc season!
GIMLI and LEGOLAS agree, and the three set off in pursuit.
FRODO and SAM reach a height from which they can see the
FRODO Mordor. I hope the others find a safer road.
TOM: Well, my guess would be they’d find a safer road by default, since you are headed into the land of Sauron.
SAM Strider will take care of them.
FRODO I don't suppose we'll ever see them again.
SAM We may yet, Mr. Frodo. We may.
MIKE: There are two sequels coming up, remember.
FRODO Sam, I'm glad you're with me.
CROW: So. Gay. That is all.